At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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