i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
