she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
