you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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