I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize