Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
