Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
