Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
