im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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