UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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