So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
