Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
