My hand turned me down
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
