someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
should my penis look like a turkey
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
