I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
