Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
