my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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