her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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