You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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