so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
