I am spending my child support on dildos
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
