If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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