fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize