Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
