She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
