i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
