Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
