a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
