Do vagina's smell?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
