I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
