i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
