you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
