he wants to bone in the snuggie
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
