mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
