I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
