Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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