plz talk dirty to me
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
