And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
