I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
