I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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