we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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