She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
So many bounce houses so little time
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
