she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
