we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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