Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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