I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
