remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
