she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
