I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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