did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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