i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
