i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
