my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
