My hand turned me down
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
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