Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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