three words: i give head
three words: not that well
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
