our cab driver is having phone sex.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
