Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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