I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
