Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
