It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
