This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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