I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
