...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
