In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
