I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
