So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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