He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
