i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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