Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
