I molested 6 butterflies tonight
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
It was confusing and full of hummus
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
