My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Randomize
