Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
My cat gives me a boner
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
This can only be settled by a dance off.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
