I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
