so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
