I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Randomize
