Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
