how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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