What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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