You can't special order awesome
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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