I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
